Saturday, November 29, 2008

Hope in spite of Heartache

I took a trip to Oklahoma City just before Thanksgiving. I lived in OKC for 19 years and I still have a 33 y/o son living there. I knew this trip would be hard for me, as my son is going through troubled waters.

Tim is a very intelligent young man with a college degree. I always thought he would do very well on his own, and for quite some time he did. Then in 2002 he was diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia. At that time he was very unstable and I went through a very tough year with him. He got some help from a mental health group and was doing better.

Tim was doing fairly well the last several months. He is living on his own although I help manage his money. I was so encouraged a few months ago as he seemed to be coming back to the Lord. (For a long time he felt that God could never love him anymore). But a couple months ago he said "I know God hasn't given up on me" and "I'm turning my life around". However, shortly after that, a friend of his in OKC called me and said he was exhibiting strange behavior. Then, I think partially from the influence of another person, he started stealing. He was arrested and put in jail.

Tim was out of jail on his own recognisance (OR) and I thought he had a court date for Nov. 18. I already had planned to go at that time and had my ticket. However, 4 days after he was out he was caught stealing again and is back in jail. It seems that his disease is out of control again.

I was only able to see Tim for 15 minutes while I was in OKC. We of course had to talk through a speaker in a glass window. He of course wanted me to get him out; he also feels he is responsible for his "friend" who is also in jail. I cannot reason logically with him.

It has been my belief that, although there are other contributing factors, Satan has determined to keep Tim from being a servant of the Lord. That is still my belief, and so I pray daily that Satan will be bound in his life and that Tim will be restored mentally and spiritually.

I have read some scriptures recently that I am claiming for Tim:

Psalm 142 (a prayer of David) "I cry to the Lord; I lift up my voice to the Lord for mercy. I ...tell him my trouble." "You are my refuge; ...listen to my cry, for I am in desperate need; rescue (Tim) from those who pursue him, for they are too strong for him." "Set (Tim) free from his prison, that he (and I) may praise Your name"

Philipians 1:6 "...being confident of this, that He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus".

I hesitated to write about this at first, as I sometimes feel I have somehow been a failure. However I decided it was really pride keeping me from wanting to share this. I believe there are christian women who read this blog who will share my burden in prayer, and so I have chosen to post it here.
Tim in December, 2007 in front of his OKC apartment.


Brenda said...

Dear, dear Donna,
This is such a heartache. I cried as I read this, knowing this was so hard for your to write. I agree that you and Tim need the prayer support. I am sad for both of you. You are a good mama. I am proud of you. I will continue to pray for you and Tim.
Blessings and love,
Your sis,

Blue-eyed Blonde said...

Donna: I understand the courage it took for you to write about your son, Tim. We have a son who was in trouble from the time he graducated from high school till about five years ago (total of 10 yrs. in & out of jail) when he finally decided to take responsibility for his life. It still isn't always easy, but it's better. We had the prayers of many who loved him. My prayers will be with Tim and you. God does care! Jan

beckymc said...

Dear Donna,
I know it was hard for you top share about your son. I believe God has a special place for those with mental illness. Because they are not of sound mind so if and when they reject God they are not making a deciision on their own this illness is making it for them. I will pray for you and Tim; and I know no matter what happens God has both you and Tim in the palm of His hand, where he also holds all the tears shed because of this. All my love to you and your precious Tim.